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Couple Learn A Painful Lesson When They Fail To Identify The Lube

Couple Learn A Painful Lesson When They Fail To Identify The Lube


Posted on January 09 2016 at 17:05 pm

Profile photo of Stefan Armitage
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The rule is, if you wouldn’t put it in your mouth, don’t put it in in your ass.

And unfortunately this couple definitely learned the hard way that you should really read the bottle properly before placing lotion anywhere on your genitals.

The TIFU (Today, I f*cked up) stories over on the Reddit subform rarely disappoint when it comes to reading about cringeworthy stories, but this post from a married couple will leave any man or woman with tears in their eyes.

It’s the simple story about a man and woman who fall in love, decide to try anal, and end up using something as a lubricant they really shouldn’t have;

“Last night my husband, “Dan” and I celebrated New Year’s Eve with his family. We were both drinking, and just having a good time. After counting down the new year, we went inside and his mom told us just to sleep in his sister’s room.

The alcohol intensified both of our libidos, so we started making out. Things began to escalate, and Dan said, “Hey, let’s do butt stuff.” So, in my drunken state, I replied, “Why the fuck not.”

He started trying to put it in, but between being intoxicated and it being too dry, it just wasn’t going to happen. Dan started looking around his sister’s room for some lotion and found two bottles. There was a tube of lotion and a squirt bottle, so he went with the squirt bottle out of convenience.

He put the lotion on his dick, and slowly started to put it in. I was drunk to the point that it didn’t hurt too badly, and it was going in fairly easily. Around a minute later, the lotion started getting really cold to the point it burned. I yelled at him to stop, and he pulled out. We both started writhing in pain.”

“Turns out, he used fucking menthol lotion. My vagina and ass burned like a bitch, and he ended up burning his penis and penis hole.

On the bright side, the next morning I was putting the tubes of lotion back in place, and low and behold, the tube of “lotion” was actually acrylic paint. So I guess it could’ve been worse.

TL;DR:Got drunk, got fucked in the ass, and now my shit is minty fresh.

ETA: To the ones who found this fuck up as hilarious as I now do, thank you. To the ones calling me a whore/skank/tramp for trying something with my husband, I hope you spend your year being fucked in the ass by a menthol based paint.”

The truth is, anal is always going to be painful if you aren’t fully prepared, but introducing such a ridiculous lotion is a schoolboy error… not that schoolboys should be having… never mind.



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